on loving our bodies.

Because life is truly too short to hate the skin we’re in.

I have suffered since I was about 14 (if not younger, but this is when it was caught) from PCOS and all of its nightmares. What’s PCOS? Simply put, a hormonal disorder that affects the ovaries and causes a lot of symptoms that impact my body and my self-image - cataclysmically. If you’ve lived with it, you know. If you haven’t, I want to share with you my journey of learning to love and accept my body, despite the challenges that PCOS brings. I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire and empower others who are going through similar struggles — whether PCOS-specific or not. Because at the end of the day, I want us all to feel like we can love our bodies no matter what.

No matter what.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) affects about 10% of women, especially in recent generations. It causes irregular periods, excess hair growth, acne, weight gain, infertility, and other problems that I otherwise didn’t experience prior to my symptom development. PCOS also increases the risk of developing a library of diseases like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, depression, and anxiety… just to name a few.

How do you get it? No one knows, really. There are fingers pointed at birth control methods, lifestyle flags, and just existing (ha). But I have to believe it’s so much more than that, that we simply are just still discovering. I was a high-level athlete doing more cross-training than you could probably imagine to look at me. There wasn’t a sport I didn’t do. I eat like a bird, to this day. I’m as on top of my wellness as one could be. Do I look it? Frankly, no.

But the truth is, that aspect doesn’t matter as much as owning the bodies we are given, no matter the wars they fight.

I have to believe that the universe blessed me with my curves in all of the places they fall, and that I look absolutely fine the way that I am. I’ve spent too much time confused and scared based on how my body feels, and feeling like something is wrong with me. For a long time, I didn’t understand why my body was behaving this way, and I often felt ashamed of how I look. The girl who never had a pimple developed acne and rosacea, thicker hair, and a belly that won’t budge no matter how much I exercise or diet. I often feel like I don’t fit in with the beauty standards that society and media impose on us. Like I’m not feminine enough, or attractive enough, or worthy enough.

It wasn’t until I tuned into body positivity that I started to change my perspective on my body and myself, promoting the acceptance of all bodies, regardless of size, shape, skin tone, gender, and abilities. It challenges the unrealistic and harmful beauty standards that society and popular culture create, and it celebrates the diversity and beauty of the body. It also encourages people to have a healthy relationship with their bodies, by focusing on their mindfulness, wellness and self-care.

Beauty is not defined by a number on a scale or a size on a label. It’s not something that can be measured or judged by others. If you learn one thing from reading this, please embrace your body as it is, with all its flaws and strengths. There are no number of surgeries, crash diets or photo-editing tutorials that will change your vision of yourself — only YOU can change that.

• You have to love and accept your body as it is. I stopped comparing myself to others or trying to fit into a mold that was not made for me, particularly as a BIPOC. Appreciate what your body can do for you, such as breathing, moving, feeling, healing, and creating.

• Take care of your body in ways that make you feel good. Eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, sleep!!!, meditate daily… make your own list of care chronicles. I started to express myself in ways that made me feel happy, ultimately.

I’m not saying that it’s easy or perfect. It’s a journey that has its ups and downs. There are days when I still struggle with my symptoms or feel insecure about my appearance. Hell, it’s MOST days. There are times when I still face discrimination or stigma because of my condition or identity or through people’s assumptions, too. But loving my body and my SELF more, helps me cope with these challenges and reminds me of my worth and power.

If you are someone who struggles deeply with your body image or self-esteem, I hope that you can find some comfort and inspiration in this post. You are not alone in this journey. You are not defined by your fears. You are beautiful and valuable just as you are. You deserve to love and be loved by yourself and others. You have the right to live your life fully and authentically.

Let’s spread the sentiment of loving our bodies and supporting each other in our journeys. If you felt this, please share with people you know could use these words today.

Stay positive, healthy and radiant and don’t ever let your light go out.

With love,

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A